I Really Do
by BregoArodShadowfax
Summary: Having a pity party is much better when somebody's having it with you. Post 4x04 fic, Finn/Kurt


**Title:** I Really Do  
**Author:** AoiTsukikage  
**Rating:** R  
**Characters/Pairing:** Finn/Kurt  
**Chapter:** 1/1  
**Word Count:** ~3200  
**Spoilers:** Everything so far  
**Summary: **Having a pity party is much better when somebody's having it with you.

**I Really Do**

Kurt isn't expecting to see Finn on the other side of the loft door when he yanks it open, and the shock nearly sends him toppling onto his butt but he regains his composure and clears his throat, not bothering to hide the fact that he'd been having a pity party complete with _Ben & Jerry's_ while watching sad Disney movies on his laptop.

He doesn't have to hide that from Finn.

"Hey," he croaks, voice wrecked from crying. "You…I didn't know you were coming."

"Yeah, well, Rachel's in Lima," Finn shrugs, shuffling his feet. "And I really don't wanna be in the same city as her…or the same state as her…right now. I guess she's visiting her dads for a couple'a days so I thought…well, I didn't see much of New York last time, and you're here…" he shrugs like that's a good enough answer and Kurt supposes that, in a way, it is.

"Come in. Mind the mess. I haven't been in a cleaning mood lately," he shuts the door behind Finn and stands with his arms crossed under his armpits, staring dejectedly down at the floor. "So. How are…"

"Can we not?" Finn asks softly, and Kurt snaps his mouth shut because honestly, he'd rather not either. "Just…dude, we can do that freaky mind-reading thing with each other. I feel like shit. You feel like shit. We can feel like shit together," he shrugs and quirks his mouth in that endearing little half-smile he has if he doesn't know exactly how to read the mood of a room, and Kurt exhales heavily.

"Put your things on the bed. Mine or hers. Doesn't matter," Kurt waves his hand dismissively, realizing he's just given Finn permission to sleep in the same bed with him, but that doesn't matter anymore either.

Nothing does.

He flops back on the floor, eyeing the ice cream, and 'hmms' a little when Finn slumps down beside him.

"So," he sighs. "First post break-up pity party, huh?" his voice is soft and Kurt rolls to the side, head bumping Finn's hip. It's a little awkward, but not as much as it could be. "They suck, right?"

"Yeah," Kurt rasps, closing his eyes. "Not the first time my heart's been broken, though."

He can feel Finn's body flinch and wants to tell him that it's okay, that they're long past that, but maybe he's still a little bitter even though that one had been mostly his own fault.

Finn's hand comes down heavily on his head, stroking lightly, and Kurt lets himself curl up and cry for a little bit, body shaking as the taller boy keeps touching him softly.

"I missed you," Kurt finally admits. "Just…I got so used to you being around, and then you just…disappeared. I knew you weren't at boot camp anymore…Carole had phoned and they'd told her, but when you didn't tell anybody where you were I thought…maybe you'd just never come back," he whispers, the words still loud, but Finn presses a little harder into his hair and heaves a shaky sigh.

"I'm useless, Kurt. I can't…I thought I couldn't fail there. I can take orders. I'm a good worker. I'm not lazy. And then I _shoot myself _like an _idiot," _he sounds heartbroken and Kurt rolls over, head pillowed on Finn's thigh this time (his good one, he'd checked) and blinks up at him.

"You just haven't found your place yet, Finn. You will, though," he promises, reaching for Finn's hand and feeling a tiny thrill when the other boy squeezes back.

"What if I don't?"

"You _will," _Kurt emphasizes, because he knows it. Finn's too special to never find his place, and once he realizes his own potential he'll get there.

It's something he has to find for himself, though.

"Thanks," Finn murmurs down to him, even though it sounds thin and unconvincing, but Kurt forces himself to sit up and stretches a little. "So, um, how are you…partying?"

"Pizza, cheesecake and champagne. I'll order," he says, because he knows the places well by now, and he places the order on the phone before going to sit beside Finn again, leaning into his side and smiling when Finn's arm comes around him and strokes his side.

Yeah.

Having a pity party is much better when somebody's having it with you.

000

"I really miss sex," is what Finn comes up with a couple of glasses of champagne in. Neither of them are drunk, just happy enough to not be sad, and Finn's pouting kind of adorably and Kurt remembers why he fell in love with him so easily.

"It's only been a few months," Kurt laughs, leaning over and scooping another bite of cheesecake into his mouth. "Since May?"

"That's like, almost six, dude. And Rachel and I weren't doing it all the time, but still…"

"Ew," Kurt wrinkles up his nose and chokes out a laugh. "I do _not _need to hear about Rachel Berry during sex. Girl probably sang opera riffs when she came," he shivers, grossing _himself _out with that one, but Finn shook his head.

"Nah, dude, she was really…quiet, actually. It was weird," he shrugs and takes a piece of cake for himself. "I was louder than her."

"Again, don't need to know that," Kurt's voice is much less convincing this time because there's a part of him that _does _still want to know that and since he's single now he can actually acknowledge that.

"So what about you?" Finn turns to him and tilts his head. "You miss sex?"

"It's been a couple of months," Kurt concedes, thinking about it for a bit. "But I was never that big on it. I enjoyed it, of course, but it's not like I needed it every so often to feel fulfilled or anything," he says, mulling it over as he swirls the champagne in his glass.

"Dude, you sure you're a teenaged boy? 'Cuz like, I think about sex all the time," Finn grins wolfishly and Kurt flicks his fingers dismissively at him.

"Yes, well, you're an utter stereotype, Finn Hudson," he hiccups and giggles, setting his glass aside for the moment and just leveling a smile at Finn.

"Hey!" Finn exclaims suddenly, too loud, and Kurt can only giggle in response. "We should, like, compare scars! Like, you know, battle scars. Well, kinda. I just wanna show you this," and then he's standing up and…oh, dear God…pulling his jeans down and rolling his boxers up as he turns to the side.

Kurt's always hated medical shows, didn't care for blood, but he can't deny he's weirdly fascinated by the small circular scar and the fact that he actually knows somebody that got shot…or shot himself…you know.

He settles his fingers on Finn's thigh, oblivious to the other boy's shiver, and leans in. "Did it hurt?" he asks, unnecessarily because _Finn shot himself, you idiot, of course it did!_

"Kinda. More of a shock than anything and by the time I came back to myself I was pumped full of painkillers, so…it didn't hit anything that would cause damage, like a bone or whatever, just tore through the muscle and stuff," he says it like it's nothing but Kurt stares up at him.

"You're so brave," he breathes out, seeing the other boy blush, but then he plops back down, and nudges Kurt. "C'mon, your turn. Gimme a good one."

"I…" Kurt pauses before stripping off his shirt, the alcohol loosening his inhibitions, and turns to the side, a rather ugly line snaking its way along his ribs. "End of freshman year. Couple of goons threw me in the dumpster, there was a broken bottle in there and…could have been worse…" he trails off as Finn leans forward, running his fingers over the raised tissue and Kurt can't stop the gasp that flies from his throat.

He's shirtless in front of the boy he's still a little in love with, who's not wearing any pants, and oh, God, this just got really, _really _weird.

"Finn, don't…" he doesn't know what he wants Finn to not do. Don't touch him? Don't make the feelings come back? Don't make him do something he'll regret?

"That sucks," Finn's other hand comes around him, gripping his waist, and Kurt lets himself sink into the odd embrace as Finn shuffles in and pulls him closer. "You're so awesome, Kurt. You really are. Blaine's a dickhead if he thinks he could find what you are in some…dude he met on Facebook or whatever," he mumbles against Kurt's temple and Kurt wraps his arms around Finn's neck and just holds on.

"Don't talk about him," he murmurs, turning his face into Finn's throat. "Don't…"

"Don't need him. I don't need Rachel. We've got each other, man," he nudges Kurt's head, lips against his ear, and Kurt whines softly at the closeness and the warmth.

"We do," he affirms, tightening his grip, and when Finn's lips press to his temple he can't even be shocked. "Finn? You can't miss sex that much that you forgot I'm a guy."

"Not 'cuz you're a guy," Finn kisses his hairline again. " 'Cuz you're Kurt, dude. And that's…what I need right now," he promises, lips touching a little more insistently to Kurt's skin and Kurt knows it's a bad idea, knows that this won't end well, but he tilts his head up and catches Finn's lips, moaning at the first contact.

"Dude," Finn breathes out softly, chuckling and tugging Kurt almost into his lap. "You…is this okay? I just need…"

"I know," Kurt promises, because he does. "I…I want this. But only if you…"

Finn cuts him off with a kiss this time, desperate and sweet and sticky from the champagne and cheesecake, and Kurt sighs happily and flicks his tongue against Finn's lips, asking for entrance that's granted almost immediately.

Finn's an _amazing _kisser, tender and skilled and he's sucking on Kurt's tongue with a kind of tempered ferocity, breaking away with a shocked gasp like he can't believe this is actually happening.

"Kurt…" he moans, staring into Kurt's eyes. "I want…I…"

"Bed," Kurt says immediately, because he's not having sex on the floor, and he pulls Finn up and backs toward his bed, hands slipping under the other man's t-shirt and sliding up until Finn strips it off.

Kurt licks his lips unconsciously, mesmerized by the shifting of muscles as Finn throws the shirt aside, and wow, boot camp and roughing it in Georgia all summer had done _wonders _for Finn's physique and Kurt's touching before he can quite help himself.

"So gorgeous," he whispers, feeling Finn's hands skim across his own shoulders and back.

"Dude, look who's talking," Finn grins, hands slipping down to tug at Kurt's sweats. "Can I?"

"Yes. Please," he shifts his hips up and Finn slides them down, his eyes widening a little.

"You…um…" he gulps and Kurt shrugs, leaning back on the bed.

"I wasn't expecting company," he knows that this should freak him out…he's only been naked in front of Blaine, after all, but Finn's staring at his cock in what looks like thinly concealed awe and he leans in, blinking. "Finn, you have one of your own!"

"I can't see it this close, though," Finn murmurs, reaching to lightly trail a finger up it, and Kurt sighs and drops his head back. "Finn…"

"Right," Finn shakes his head and stands up, shoving his boxers down and Kurt averts his gaze the way he'd done all those years ago in the locker room, before realizing that this time he could _look _and he does so, finding himself moving off the bed before he realizes it and sinking to his knees on the cold floor. "Kurt, you don't have to…"

"Shh," Kurt urges him, biting his bottom lip, because this may be the one time in his life his fantasy actually lives up to reality and Finn has absolutely _nothing _to complain about when it comes to…well…_this. _"Do you want me to?"

"Um," is all that comes out of Finn's mouth but Kurt takes that as a 'yes' and leans forward, tongue lapping at a bead of pre-cum on the head of Finn's cock before he takes the tip into his mouth, sucking gently.

"Fuck," Finn replies, legs shaking, and Kurt pulls back.

"Sit down," he says softly, leaning in to nuzzle the join of Finn's hip when he does. "Do you want this? Or something else?"

"I just…" Finn looks unsure before weakly tugging at Kurt's elbow and Kurt nearly whines, because God, he doesn't like giving blowjobs that much but he's actually _craving _it tonight and he's blaming that solely on the champagne. "Hey, can we just…" he pulls Kurt into his lap and Kurt settles there, shifting his hips until he's comfortable.

"Grinding? Handjobs?" Kurt suggests, nosing at Finn's jaw and pressing light kisses against the thin scratch of stubble as Finn laughs and turns his head more into it.

"Second one sounds good. I want you to touch me," his voice is low, not trying to be seductive but managing spectacularly anyway.

"Lie back," Kurt manages to gasp out, turning to root in the drawer by his bed for a half-full bottle of lube and pulling it out before squeezing some into his hand, slicking up his palm before he straddles Finn's hips and leans in for another kiss, hand wrapping around Finn's cock and stroking quickly.

His coordination is a little off, half-drunk as he is, but it seems to be enough if Finn's groan and the way he bucks his hips into Kurt's fist are any indication.

"Fuck, that feels _amazing," _he gasps out and Kurt grins, kissing him again.

"You were right. You _are _loud," he laughs, his mirth cut off when Finn kisses him hungrily again, and it's all Kurt can do to keep stroking when Finn's mouth is covering his own.

"So fucking hot," Finn growls, nipping at his throat. "Just want to…I…Kurt…" he jerks his hips up a little harder and Kurt plants a hand in the center of his chest, holding him down.

"You said you're good at taking orders?" he says lowly, this strange commanding side of him coming out, and Finn nods jerkily. "Good. Don't come until I tell you to," he smiles against Finn's throat and strokes a little faster, his own cock hard and bobbing against his stomach and God, this is going to be over way too fast but it _has _been a while (with Rachel there and not even a wall between them he hasn't exactly been touching himself all that often) and he really wants Finn to return some sort of favour.

"Kurt…please…" Finn's head is thrown back, sweat glistening on his brow, and Kurt nods.

"Come for me. Now," he flicks his wrist on a rather harsh uptwist and Finn does, kissing Kurt to muffle his cries and his hips eventually settle heavily on the bed, chest heaving with exertion.

"Holy shit," his eyes are blown wide, pupils jet-black and huge, and Kurt kisses him again. "Kurt…that was…"

"You have to do something for me now," Kurt tries to keep his voice steady, soothing, but his hands are shaking as he passes the lube over to Finn. "Here, spoon me," he flops onto his side, feeling Finn snug up behind him, and reaches back.

"What do I…I mean, do I have to…" Finn sounds adorably confused and Kurt snorts before shaking his head.

"You won't hurt me, I promise, I just…need something inside of me right now. Finger me," he clarifies, in case Finn didn't get it the first time, and he hears a sharp intake of breath before…

"Yeah. Okay."

He can hear Finn fumbling with the lube before one arm clamps around his waist, slick hand tugging at his cock and Kurt sighs happily at the feeling of somebody else touching him.

"So do I just…" his hand slides down Kurt's back and over his ass and Kurt nods, curling up into Finn's embrace.

"Uh-huh," he replies, barely a whisper, spreading his legs a little and hearing Finn hiss before he can feel the other man's finger slip easily inside of him.

"Oh, wow. Warm," Finn mutters, kissing his shoulder, and Kurt laughs at the obvious statement. "What do I…?"

"Just…what feels right," Kurt lets his eyes slide close, safe and content and happy, and Finn seems to get that the time for frantic rutting is over and he starts stroking slowly, thumb rubbing over the head of Kurt's cock and Kurt whimpers and shifts his hips, fucking himself back onto Finn's finger. "More. Another."

Finn complies, easier this time, and Kurt rocks back a little harder.

"Just…kind of crook them a little, push u-_fuck," _he grunts as Finn finally presses against his prostate, and his hands grip tightly at Finn's arm around his waist, grounding himself as he starts to move his hips faster.

"So hot," Finn mumbles in his ear, and Kurt reaches back with his free hand to tangle it in Finn's hair, craning his neck so their lips can awkwardly brush and inwardly blessing his flexibility. "Kurt, are you…want to see you come, can you…"

"Yes," Kurt rocks a little harder. "I'm so…I…_Finn!" _and his orgasm washes over him furiously, like a rip tide trying to pull him under and Finn all around him is the only thing keeping him safe.

He's shaking uncontrollably when he comes down, hanging onto Finn's arm for dear life, and feeling lighter than he has in _weeks. _

"Ew," is what Finn says a few moments later and Kurt snorts, reaching back to shove at his hip.

"Dork."

"You love me," Finn replies, licking at his shoulder, and Kurt smiles wistfully even though Finn can't see him and replies, too soft to hear,

"I really do."

000

"So next time can we, like, go all the way?" Finn's waving his fork around and Kurt grabs his wrist, because eating cheesecake naked in his bed is a _privilege _and Finn's not getting it smeared all over his sheets.

"There's a next time?" Kurt tries to sound flippant but oh dear God does he want there to be a 'next time.'

"Um. I thought…well, y'know, I just…" Finn's blushing and stammering and looking generally adorable, hair mussed, and Kurt kisses him and leans back with a grin. "Okay. There's a next time."

"There is," Kurt replies, going back to eating, and he pauses to set down his fork and ask the question that's really on his mind. "How long are you staying?"

"As long as Rachel's staying in Ohio," Finn replies briskly. "I don't have anything there, but…I've got something here now," he reaches to run his thumb along Kurt's cheekbone and Kurt blushes and lets himself fall a little more in love with this man.

This has officially been the best post break-up pity party ever.

**Notes:**

**1. **This is all epanaphoric/winterlit 's fault, because she kept saying how she thought I would write fic after the episode and I finally caved and did.


End file.
